/* This JavaScript (Random Quotes) developed by Scott Clark
The Source is available at http://www.clarksco.com/blog/
Copyright 2005 Clark Consulting */

var num_of_quotes = 68;
quotes = Math.floor (num_of_quotes * Math.random());

if (quotes==0) {
title="";
body="I could while away the hours...conversing with the flowers...if I only had a brain.";
}

if (quotes==1) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="Expand my brain, magic learning juice!";
}

if (quotes==2) {
title="(Professor Farnsworth)";
body="Good news, everyone!";
}

if (quotes==3) {
title="(Bender)";
body="Bite my shiny metal ass.";
}

if (quotes==4) {
title="(Dr. Nick Riviera)";
body="Whoa!  That lady swallowed a baby!";
}

if (quotes==5) {
title="(Douglas Adams)";
body="It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an airport' appear.";
}

if (quotes==6) {
title="(MST3K, 'Pod People')";
body="You know what playing is, Trumpy?  Yes.  It's where I break you in half.";
}

if (quotes==7) {
title="(MST3K, 'Girls Town')";
body="Can I see Serafina?  No, it's sold out.";
}

if (quotes==8) {
title="(Douglas Adams)";
body="The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%.";
}

if (quotes==9) {
title="(Douglas Adams)";
body="In the beginning the Universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.";
}

if (quotes==10) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="All my life I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals.";
}

if (quotes==11) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="America's health care system is second only to Japan...Canada, Sweden, Great Britain...well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!";
}

if (quotes==12) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.";
}

if (quotes==13) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="Homer no function beer well without.";
}

if (quotes==14) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood.";
}

if (quotes==15) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.";
}

if (quotes==16) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.";
}

if (quotes==17) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!";
}

if (quotes==18) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="You tried and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.";
}

if (quotes==19) {
title="(Marge Simpson)";
body="You can't say 'sex' on the Internet!!";
}

if (quotes==20) {
title="(Marge Simpson)";
body="You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.";
}

if (quotes==21) {
title="(Bart Simpson)";
body="Oh my god, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican!";
}

if (quotes==22) {
title="(Ralph Wiggum)";
body="Look Lisa -- I'm learnding!";
}

if (quotes==23) {
title="(Professor Farnsworth)";
body="Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye!";
}

if (quotes==24) {
title="(Professor Farnsworth)";
body="Ooh, a lesson in not changing history from mister 'I'm-my-own-grandpa'! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!";
}

if (quotes==25) {
title="(Futurama)";
body="Kittens give Morbo gas.";
}

if (quotes==26) {
title="(Jean-Luc Picard)";
body="I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile.";
}

if (quotes==27) {
title="(Jean-Luc Picard)";
body="Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service… us.";
}

if (quotes==28) {
title="(Worf)";
body="Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them all	millennia ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.";
}

if (quotes==29) {
title="(George Costanza)";
body="The sea was angry that day my friend, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.";
}

if (quotes==30) {
title="(Jerry Seinfeld)";
body="Broccoli, Newman? You wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce.";
}

if (quotes==31) {
title="(George Costanza)";
body="Well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!";
}

if (quotes==32) {
title="(George Costanza)";
body="Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?";
}

if (quotes==33) {
title="(Phil Conners, 'Groundhog Day')";
body="This is one time when television fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.";
}

if (quotes==34) {
title="(Obi-Wan Kenobi)";
body="In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.";
}

if (quotes==35) {
title="(Yoda)";
body="When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not.";
}

if (quotes==36) {
title="(Barry Goldwater)";
body="Remember that a government big enough to give you everything you want is also big enough to take away everything you have.";
}

if (quotes==37) {
title="(James Baldwin)";
body="I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.";
}

if (quotes==38) {
title="(Benjamin Franklin)";
body="Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.";
}

if (quotes==39) {
title="(Earl Warren)";
body="It would indeed be ironic if, in the name of national defense, we would sanction the subversion of one of those liberties which make the defense of our nation worthwhile.";
}

if (quotes==40) {
title="(The Report of the 9/11 Commission)";
body="Our history has shown us that insecurity threatens liberty. Yet, if our liberties are curtailed, we lose the values that we are struggling to defend.";
}

if (quotes==41) {
title="(Wooderson, 'Dazed and Confused')";
body="Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.";
}

if (quotes==42) {
title="(Morpheus, 'The Matrix')";
body="You take the blue pill, the story ends here, you wake up and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill you stay in wonderland and I'll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.";
}

if (quotes==43) {
title="('Austin Powers')";
body="That's Doctor Evil. I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called 'Mister' thank you very much.";
}

if (quotes==44) {
title="(Ferris Bueller)";
body="A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off of people.";
}

if (quotes==45) {
title="(Ferris Bueller)";
body="Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.";
}


if (quotes==46) {
title="(Chris Knight, 'Real Genius')";
body="Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, 'I drank what?'";
}

if (quotes==47) {
title="(Chris Knight, 'Real Genius')";
body="This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.";
}

if (quotes==48) {
title="(Chris Knight, 'Real Genius')";
body="It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.";
}

if (quotes==49) {
title="('Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead')";
body="Audiences know what they expect and that is all they are prepared to believe in.";
}

if (quotes==50) {
title="('Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead')";
body="A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.";
}

if (quotes==50) {
title="('Spaceballs')";
body="Now you see, Lone Starr, that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.";
}

if (quotes==51) {
title="('Spaceballs')";
body="One, two, three, four, five? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!";
}

if (quotes==52) {
title="(Hedley Lamarr, 'Blazing Saddles')";
body="My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.";
}

if (quotes==53) {
title="(Hedley Lamarr, 'Blazing Saddles')";
body="My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.";
}

if (quotes==54) {
title="(Stewie Griffin, 'Family Guy')";
body="And no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.";
}

if (quotes==55) {
title="(Jeremy Goodwin, 'SportsNight')";
body="And in that moment, Dan was reminded once again why he wanted to write in the first place. It's for the same reason anybody does anything: to impress women.";
}

if (quotes==56) {
title="(Dan Rydell, 'SportsNight')";
body="If you're good enough to be in second place, you're good enough to be disappointed in it.";
}

if (quotes==57) {
title="(Josh Lyman, 'The West Wing')";
body="Victory is mine, victory is mine, great day in the morning people, victory is mine. I drink from the keg of glory, Donna, bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.";
}

if (quotes==58) {
title="(Toby Ziegler, 'The West Wing')";
body="What, do you want to tempt the wrath of the... whatever, from high atop the thing?";
}

if (quotes==59) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="I could go up to the President and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face and he'd just have to sit there grooving on it.";
}

if (quotes==60) {
title="(Ani DiFranco, 'Pixie')";
body="Maybe you don't like your job, maybe you didn't get enough sleep; nobody likes their job, nobody got enough sleep...";
}

if (quotes==61) {
title="(Lrrr, 'Futurama')";
body="We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers, and so on in that fashion, until everyone is eaten.";
}

if (quotes==62) {
title="(Dr. Steven Weinberg, 1979 Nobel Prize Laureate, Physics)";
body="Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.";
}

if (quotes==63) {
title="(Jason Dean, 'Heathers')";
body="The extreme always seems to make an impression.";
}

if (quotes==64) {
title="(Kat Stratford, '10 Things I Hate About You')";
body="Ugh.  What is it, asshole day?";
}

if (quotes==65) {
title="(Marge Simpson)";
body="Back then, we were both stars in the thrill-a-minute world of high school journalism.";
}

if (quotes==66) {
title="(Homer Simpson)";
body="Don't you worry about Wikipedia. We'll change it when we get home...we'll change a lot of things.";
}

if (quotes==67) {
title="(Percy Shelley, 'Ozymandias')";
body="Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!";
}

//document.write('<div align=center>');
document.write(''+ "'" + body + "'" + '  ');
document.write(' ' + '<i>' + title+ '</i>');
//document.write('</div>');